I had to have a heart to heart with the Captain's mom last week. Actually, I had no intention of having said conversation. Truth be told, I try like hell to avoid these talks at all costs. She really left me no choice. In the middle of the Jersey Shore season premiere (that's right, I said it) she wanted to tell me about her friend's marital issues. I would rather eat glass. And chase it with gasoline.
I tried to politely pass on the subject. She pressed on like a Chilean miner. There was no shaking her. "So she asked me my opinion and I told her to leave his ass." The Captain's mom says. Whoa Trigger. She asked you your opinion on her husband and you gave it to her? Your honest opinion? Trouble loomed. I had to step in now.
Women puzzle me greatly. Every time I think I can plot their path, they go Katrina on me and change their course completely. But one thing I have learned is this: When a woman asks you to give her "your honest opinion," she doesn't really want it. She wants you to listen to her and sympathize with her. Once you master that, you can let your mind wander as long as you keep eye contact. It is a no-win situation to give her your own opinion. I explained this to the Captain's wife. She didn't really get it at first, but she eventually relented.
Now I realize that forever more she is going to wonder if I am giving her my honest opinion or if I am looking lovingly into her eyes while wondering just what Snooki does to get that shade of orange. But it beats her losing a good friend later on down the road. That conversation would go on forever.
Dammit, I missed the rest of JS. Thank God for DVR.
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